Thursday, July 08, 2004
'Sometimes As Much As I Try It's Just So Hard To Forget... YOU.' -N. Boyayan
I'm going crazy. But before we get into that subject matter let's start off with me telling you about how I had an attitude today...
Baby, I had an attitude today alright! Why? Well, I had one goal, one main objective in mind and that was sikily annoy my mom to her very bones! - You shall be warned that she had already exercised her share of annoyance towards me, and that was simply an ingenious comeback. Revenge, that's what I wanted. Now don't be fooled, I'm not a very vengeful person, pelo contrário, I'm actually quite taking (that doesn't make sense, eh?!) I'm quite sympathetic towards people's attitudes and stuff or whatever... Anyway, I was ticked at my mom. I say it's about time for me to stop writing about 'mom' don't ya think? It's been an on going topic, boring, none the less. So be it! I wanted to go out with some friends tonight and for whatever stupidly ridiculous senseless reason she wouldn't let me go! Jeeez, I was so ticked I decided not to talk to her for the entire day... taking in consideration that we'd be going to places all day together it could get a bit distressing right? Hahaha it did. We went out for lunch, and to the mall, and to the book store, and here and there, everywhere and I had my little big mouth shut all the way! I'd only speak when addressed to, and the minimum possible. She'd ask me why I wouldn't talk to her and I'd say 'cuz I don't want to'.
Then it hit me. Why was I doing that? At a moment of drastic changes like this, of so much insecurity and troublesome ideas was that really necessary? Should I have acted so immaturely just to affect her like that? As much as I'd like to tell her to bug off and face it that I'm growing up and that I couldn't care less about her worries, and duties and feelings when they keep me from having a life, I know that it'd be so selfish of myself to do so. This is the time to come together and help each other... comfort especially. Not the time to act like a 4 year old kid. Although yes, it's not my perfect plan to go to the movies with my mom at night, but rather go out with some friends that I'll only see for so long now, but who cares? Let's face it, I made myself sick!
The thing is, I kind of got out of control... the harsh words were in me, and the inability to speak overtook me. I was in a total bad mood. Idiot.
Now on to why I'm going crazy... well, you'll have to do some 'fill in the blanks' to get it tho... (or is it 'critical thinking'?! hehe)
Mom and I always go to the movies when there's something wrong with us both. - That's what we did... she claimed to go just so that she wouldn't have to sit in traffic since it was rush hour by then, but I know that she was trying to redeem herself for not letting me go with my friends. - We went for 'Spider Man 2'. I wasn't so sure if I really wanted to watch that. But I did, I had to. - I liked it... had it's funny moments. I loved the elevator scene, made me laugh good time. - When Mary Jane asked her fiancé to lean back and tilt his head, dang that messed with my insides (hihihi that sounds funny), but seriously boom, from that moment on I was in lala land (don't ask). No can do. It's hard... especially when you want something that's so out of reach, (for innumerous reasons) and that fades away by the minute. And there isn't anything you can realy do about it, unfortunately.
Oh I got a Spider Man Mug at the movies! Hahaha fun. One more thing I get to sell at the garage sale before I leave!
When we left it was raining. I like rain, I guess I love it actually. - We got ourselves some pizza, and now here I am... immersed in my tender feelings.
Better, much better though. - Oh man, at that bookstore they had so many cool books on design! I was in heaven!
At a certain point in the movie spider man does something and I talk to my mom about it... I whispered, I swear! Well so this guy right next to me, stares me in the eyes (the place was crowded that's why I was seated next to a freak) and says 'shhh be quiet!' haha it was funny, I stared him back and turned away to watch the film. I did feel like answering back, but I was wrong so... - The funny thing about this story was that he actually told me to be quiet in English and not Portuguese like he should have! The guy was eavesdropping! Anyway, I betta go take a nap.
