Sunday, April 11, 2004
Before yesterday (Apr. 09) I had a little fight slash discussion with Tephie over MSN. It was quite unfortunate and sem pe nem cabeca, well maybe not, it did have some content to it but the way it started...and the way it ended...now, that was quite peculiar in it's own way!
Due to the fact that you have no background info on our situation things might seem a little vague, so i only have one sugestion if this is your case: breathe in, swallow it, and live with it! Much has been said about it already (other blogs & stuff) so i don't feel like putting it in hear. I mean, i decided to start a new blog to get rid of all that old stuff slash feelings so i might as well not bring it here, to avoid further inner conflict! ;)
Let's put our little discussion topic on hold for just a sec. - During the day yesterday (before our little discussion) we (Tephie and I) dropped a few lines over msn...well, i was testing my digital camera on the pc to see if it worked fine as a web cam (which indeed it did!) and i chose Tephie to 'bother' with that since there's always second intentions in my actions when talking to her on msn (those would be: talk about actual stuff that'll get things straight between us.). Anyways, so i was showing her my room and suff like that, but not once i appeared on the camera (i'd feel stupid!), well so then she writes me saying that she wanted to see Cookie. (Cookie is my dog, however, Cookie is also my pseudonym!) Stupid Nashlah here didn't realize that she wanted to see Cookie the Nashlah and not Cookie the dog like i showed her!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! The sad part about this story is that i only got that now! No wonder she wrote: "What was that?!" after i showed her the dog!! hahahaha...oh well, that's me, slow me, silly me...
Phew, now that we got our moods up let's go to the more 'serious' note of this post, our little discussion. I'll just paste part of it here and you can draw your own conclusions out of it, i don't have much to say about it. Although i'd love to hear outside opinions on who was right or not in this whole thing if such conclusions can be drawn from this talk.
It's too long so i'll just show ya the 'tasty meat' portion of it!
Tephie says:
nashlah, i treat u like crap, i'm extremaly bitchy and u keep talking to me. why?
Nashlah says:
uh-oh cornered...
Nashlah says:
after giving it some thought (15 sec) i reach the following concluison: i dont know why
Nashlah says:
i enjoyed talking to you, and i lost that...i notice your lack of will to talk to me...but i'm stubborn i'll give it a try to see if things have changed
Tephie says:
and how does that make YOU feel?
Nashlah says:
unless you don't want me too...and then you just tell me and i'll be fine
Nashlah says:
not very good at all. but it makes me feel worse to know that i dont have a friend to talk to anymore
Nashlah says:
but the again if thats how you want it to be tell me
Tephie says:
nash, dont be do freaking passive
Tephie says:
if your mad at me, which you should be, let me know, or hate or do somehting
Nashlah says:
i'll stop talking...bothering...i'll take you out of my list if you dont wanna see me online anymore
Tephie says:
dont just pretend u're okay!
Nashlah says:
i'm not pretending...this is who i am
Tephie says:
thats not what i'm talking about
Nashlah says:
it hurts
Tephie says:
i dont mind tlaking to you
Tephie says:
u cant just let pp toss u around
Nashlah says:
just because i don't react to a certain something in anger doesnt mean i'm being tossed around
Tephie says:
ok, if u feel that way then its ok
Nashlah says:
and if you dont mind talking to e then wh do you treat me like crap like you've said?
Tephie says:
b/c i wanna see u REACT
Nashlah says:
sorry you wont...i'm not the explosive type...i keep feelings inside...some say it's a flaw
Tephie says:
sorry
Nashlah says:
for what?
Tephie says:
for u being so freaking passive
Nashlah says:
it's like i should feel guilt for being calm and peaceful, makes no sense to me
Tephie says:
ure not calm and peaceful
Tephie says:
u're in denial
Nashlah says:
expand please
Tephie says:
u dont react, and it call me calmness, but its actually fear, denial, whatever u wanna call it
Tephie says:
and u call it calmness
Nashlah says:
fear, denial of what and based on what do you say that?
Tephie says:
based on what u do or say
Tephie says:
i've spent time with you, i kinda know how you work
Nashlah says:
nope, sorry i 'fear' (get that? ) you might be wrong
Nashlah says:
you've never seen me explode have ya and you've tried haven't ya?
Tephie says:
i dont want u to explode
Tephie says:
i want u to bee honest with your feelings
Nashlah says:
but i am honest...if you ask me how i feel i'll answer bam bam bam
Nashlah says:
on the other hand if you say something that hurts i'll only let ya know it if you ask...of if it's freaking hurting so much that i'll have to bring myself to open up
Tephie says:
ok
Nashlah says:
not like you've changed your mind...
Tephie says:
not like you've changed yours
Nashlah says:
i have'nt
Nashlah says:
its been bugging me tremendously how we cant talk for what seems to be ever, but i was starting to get used to it now...except for today you brought it up...
Nashlah says:
and then i'm the one being thrown around for coping and trying to get things right as friends...when i really i can never really know how you feel
Tephie says:
see that is good
Tephie says:
that isnt passive
Tephie says:
that isnt 'how many fingers do u have'
Nashlah says:
no it is...where is my web cam? you'd see my face...i'm not angry i'm disapopinted
Tephie says:
who said anything about angry and disappointed?
Nashlah says:
i cant connect your thoughts
Nashlah says:
or wait...tell me if i'm wrong...do you want me to ask you how you feel, that's it?
Tephie says:
no
Nashlah says:
then what?
Tephie says:
i want u to be honest with yourself, but if u think u already are, which u do, then fine. i rest my case
Nashlah says:
it seems like there was something else beyond 'being honest with myself'...
Tephie says:
sorry there wasnt
Nashlah says:
asking me why i talk to you doesn't demonstrate much care about the honesty within me!
Tephie says:
what?
Nashlah says:
you wrote: nashlah, i treat u like crap, i'm extremaly bitchy and u keep talking to me. why?...that doesn't look like you're worried about my well-being!
Nashlah says:
so why do you treat me like crap would be the most appropriate question?
Tephie says:
we're not analyzing me here
Tephie says:
cuz i wanna see what happens
Nashlah says:
yeah but then again that might hurt. and how in vain was that question?
Tephie says:
the questions might hurt, but the fact that im being a bitch doesnt?
Nashlah says:
no not the questions and not the bitching...the attitude
Nashlah says:
i think it's not about analyzing, it's about knowing and understanding. Not about guessing and playing the shrink
Nashlah says:
not like that at least.
Tephie says:
well nashlah, sorry if i hurt your feelings
Tephie says:
u guess i didnt know u had it
Nashlah says:
oh come on, what was that?
Tephie says:
what
Nashlah says:
"u guess i didnt know u had it" - you just contradicted all that you've said for the last what? 10 minutes... if you didn't know i had feelings how did you care about my me being honest with myself and bla bla bla in the first place?
Tephie says:
u act like u are the ice queen
Nashlah says:
ok i don't wanna take this to a lower level...whatever you say (oh gee i'm being thrown around!)...i just hate having had this conversation the way it went. All i'd like to know is why? why this disatisfaction, anger, frustration whatveer...what did i do...what can i do to turn things over?
Tephie says:
nothing, and i cant either
Nashlah says:
too poetic, that can't be true...something is still bothering you, what is it?
Tephie says:
this whole thing sucks
Nashlah says:
what thing?
Tephie says:
all this
Nashlah says:
all this 'us in general' or all this 'this talk'?
Tephie says:
both
Nashlah says:
the talk will end eventualy...us, well...it'll be an ongoing event if we cant come to conclusions on what's been bugging you/me, and what's been keeping the 'thickness' in the air...
Nashlah says:
but i think we've said enough for now, and i gotta go mom is bothering me...dude despite the unfortunate talk, it's good stuff to get things straight (i think at least)...write me an e-mail to end this or just dont, whatever you decide.
Nashlah says:
Bye-bye.
Tephie says:
bye
Due to the fact that you have no background info on our situation things might seem a little vague, so i only have one sugestion if this is your case: breathe in, swallow it, and live with it! Much has been said about it already (other blogs & stuff) so i don't feel like putting it in hear. I mean, i decided to start a new blog to get rid of all that old stuff slash feelings so i might as well not bring it here, to avoid further inner conflict! ;)
Let's put our little discussion topic on hold for just a sec. - During the day yesterday (before our little discussion) we (Tephie and I) dropped a few lines over msn...well, i was testing my digital camera on the pc to see if it worked fine as a web cam (which indeed it did!) and i chose Tephie to 'bother' with that since there's always second intentions in my actions when talking to her on msn (those would be: talk about actual stuff that'll get things straight between us.). Anyways, so i was showing her my room and suff like that, but not once i appeared on the camera (i'd feel stupid!), well so then she writes me saying that she wanted to see Cookie. (Cookie is my dog, however, Cookie is also my pseudonym!) Stupid Nashlah here didn't realize that she wanted to see Cookie the Nashlah and not Cookie the dog like i showed her!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! The sad part about this story is that i only got that now! No wonder she wrote: "What was that?!" after i showed her the dog!! hahahaha...oh well, that's me, slow me, silly me...
Phew, now that we got our moods up let's go to the more 'serious' note of this post, our little discussion. I'll just paste part of it here and you can draw your own conclusions out of it, i don't have much to say about it. Although i'd love to hear outside opinions on who was right or not in this whole thing if such conclusions can be drawn from this talk.
It's too long so i'll just show ya the 'tasty meat' portion of it!
Tephie says:
nashlah, i treat u like crap, i'm extremaly bitchy and u keep talking to me. why?
Nashlah says:
uh-oh cornered...
Nashlah says:
after giving it some thought (15 sec) i reach the following concluison: i dont know why
Nashlah says:
i enjoyed talking to you, and i lost that...i notice your lack of will to talk to me...but i'm stubborn i'll give it a try to see if things have changed
Tephie says:
and how does that make YOU feel?
Nashlah says:
unless you don't want me too...and then you just tell me and i'll be fine
Nashlah says:
not very good at all. but it makes me feel worse to know that i dont have a friend to talk to anymore
Nashlah says:
but the again if thats how you want it to be tell me
Tephie says:
nash, dont be do freaking passive
Tephie says:
if your mad at me, which you should be, let me know, or hate or do somehting
Nashlah says:
i'll stop talking...bothering...i'll take you out of my list if you dont wanna see me online anymore
Tephie says:
dont just pretend u're okay!
Nashlah says:
i'm not pretending...this is who i am
Tephie says:
thats not what i'm talking about
Nashlah says:
it hurts
Tephie says:
i dont mind tlaking to you
Tephie says:
u cant just let pp toss u around
Nashlah says:
just because i don't react to a certain something in anger doesnt mean i'm being tossed around
Tephie says:
ok, if u feel that way then its ok
Nashlah says:
and if you dont mind talking to e then wh do you treat me like crap like you've said?
Tephie says:
b/c i wanna see u REACT
Nashlah says:
sorry you wont...i'm not the explosive type...i keep feelings inside...some say it's a flaw
Tephie says:
sorry
Nashlah says:
for what?
Tephie says:
for u being so freaking passive
Nashlah says:
it's like i should feel guilt for being calm and peaceful, makes no sense to me
Tephie says:
ure not calm and peaceful
Tephie says:
u're in denial
Nashlah says:
expand please
Tephie says:
u dont react, and it call me calmness, but its actually fear, denial, whatever u wanna call it
Tephie says:
and u call it calmness
Nashlah says:
fear, denial of what and based on what do you say that?
Tephie says:
based on what u do or say
Tephie says:
i've spent time with you, i kinda know how you work
Nashlah says:
nope, sorry i 'fear' (get that? ) you might be wrong
Nashlah says:
you've never seen me explode have ya and you've tried haven't ya?
Tephie says:
i dont want u to explode
Tephie says:
i want u to bee honest with your feelings
Nashlah says:
but i am honest...if you ask me how i feel i'll answer bam bam bam
Nashlah says:
on the other hand if you say something that hurts i'll only let ya know it if you ask...of if it's freaking hurting so much that i'll have to bring myself to open up
Tephie says:
ok
Nashlah says:
not like you've changed your mind...
Tephie says:
not like you've changed yours
Nashlah says:
i have'nt
Nashlah says:
its been bugging me tremendously how we cant talk for what seems to be ever, but i was starting to get used to it now...except for today you brought it up...
Nashlah says:
and then i'm the one being thrown around for coping and trying to get things right as friends...when i really i can never really know how you feel
Tephie says:
see that is good
Tephie says:
that isnt passive
Tephie says:
that isnt 'how many fingers do u have'
Nashlah says:
no it is...where is my web cam? you'd see my face...i'm not angry i'm disapopinted
Tephie says:
who said anything about angry and disappointed?
Nashlah says:
i cant connect your thoughts
Nashlah says:
or wait...tell me if i'm wrong...do you want me to ask you how you feel, that's it?
Tephie says:
no
Nashlah says:
then what?
Tephie says:
i want u to be honest with yourself, but if u think u already are, which u do, then fine. i rest my case
Nashlah says:
it seems like there was something else beyond 'being honest with myself'...
Tephie says:
sorry there wasnt
Nashlah says:
asking me why i talk to you doesn't demonstrate much care about the honesty within me!
Tephie says:
what?
Nashlah says:
you wrote: nashlah, i treat u like crap, i'm extremaly bitchy and u keep talking to me. why?...that doesn't look like you're worried about my well-being!
Nashlah says:
so why do you treat me like crap would be the most appropriate question?
Tephie says:
we're not analyzing me here
Tephie says:
cuz i wanna see what happens
Nashlah says:
yeah but then again that might hurt. and how in vain was that question?
Tephie says:
the questions might hurt, but the fact that im being a bitch doesnt?
Nashlah says:
no not the questions and not the bitching...the attitude
Nashlah says:
i think it's not about analyzing, it's about knowing and understanding. Not about guessing and playing the shrink
Nashlah says:
not like that at least.
Tephie says:
well nashlah, sorry if i hurt your feelings
Tephie says:
u guess i didnt know u had it
Nashlah says:
oh come on, what was that?
Tephie says:
what
Nashlah says:
"u guess i didnt know u had it" - you just contradicted all that you've said for the last what? 10 minutes... if you didn't know i had feelings how did you care about my me being honest with myself and bla bla bla in the first place?
Tephie says:
u act like u are the ice queen
Nashlah says:
ok i don't wanna take this to a lower level...whatever you say (oh gee i'm being thrown around!)...i just hate having had this conversation the way it went. All i'd like to know is why? why this disatisfaction, anger, frustration whatveer...what did i do...what can i do to turn things over?
Tephie says:
nothing, and i cant either
Nashlah says:
too poetic, that can't be true...something is still bothering you, what is it?
Tephie says:
this whole thing sucks
Nashlah says:
what thing?
Tephie says:
all this
Nashlah says:
all this 'us in general' or all this 'this talk'?
Tephie says:
both
Nashlah says:
the talk will end eventualy...us, well...it'll be an ongoing event if we cant come to conclusions on what's been bugging you/me, and what's been keeping the 'thickness' in the air...
Nashlah says:
but i think we've said enough for now, and i gotta go mom is bothering me...dude despite the unfortunate talk, it's good stuff to get things straight (i think at least)...write me an e-mail to end this or just dont, whatever you decide.
Nashlah says:
Bye-bye.
Tephie says:
bye
